In this new Healthy Her segment, host Amelia Phillips answers listener questions. She answers questions on: how to manage mummy rage, top tips for exercise consistency, and whether it’s better to focus on calories or nutrients for weight loss.
Below is an unedited transcript of the podcast episode:
Welcome to my first episode in my Ask Me Anything series. Now, I wanna caveat this by saying I am not a trained psychologist or a parenting expert by any means. My training is in nutrition and exercise science, but for some reason I get parenting questions all the. So please take all of my answers today with a grain of eye eyes, salt, knowing that I’m simply giving my opinions and or my experiences.
But if you do have a question you’d like answered or maybe you’d like a topic explored, DM me on Instagram, underscore Amelia underscore Phillips, or email me, drop me a line over email ap amelias.com au and you can leave either a written or even a voice message and then I can play it here for everyone.
And of course it can be anonymous if you want it to be. So with that said, let’s dive into the first question. This is from Danielle Zed Amelia. How do I stay consistent with exercise? I go through fits and spurts, and then I dwindle off. I have some weight to shift, but more importantly, I wanna feel like I’m not losing strength and fitness as I get older.
Danielle, I hear ya. I’m feeling exactly the same way. And consistency with exercise is a challenge for so many people and it’s completely normal. Just like with lots of other activities that we dip in and out of that routine for some of us. You know, they have been doing it for many, many years. It has just become such a habit that, you know, it doesn’t seem as challenging to do.
But I can’t say that I always enjoy exercise. I don’t wake up at five 15 when my alarm goes off and jump out of bed, fist pumping, going, Woohoo, let’s go out in the freezing, cold in the rain to exercise. But I usually love the feeling afterwards. And so that’s what helps me. The other thing I wanna say as well is some exercise is better than none.
So even if you’re only managing to get out once a week or twice a week, you think about the person that you are in 12 months time having done that consistently versus having done absolutely nothing. So, you know, don’t shoot for the stars. Don’t shoot for seven days a week of exercise. Shoot for something that’s realistic and achievable.
My biggest tip is making it part of your routine. However that looks for you. If your kid has a sporting activity at a certain place in the afternoon, maybe there’s your opportunity. There’s a lake nearby. You can go for a walk around the. But basically looking at your weekly routine and what’s set and going, what is the most realistic opportunity for me to exercise?
Now? I am definitely a fan of early morning exercise. I can tell you right now that if I had to come home from work and then get changed and go out and exercise in the afternoons, I would not be as consistent. But for some people, that’s their only opportunity. So I. My husband, for example, he likes to get to work, bang out a few hours of work, and then go and train in his lunch break at lunchtime so everyone’s got a different time that works for them.
But definitely I find early morning exercises in, in my 24 years, they seem to be the cohort that are more consistent. So then how do you battle the alarm and actually get out of bed? So here’s a couple of the things that I do. The most important thing that I do, and the thing that for me requires the most discipline is going to bed early.
And I actually find that so hard to do because I just want that quiet time on my couch with a cup of tea and a square of chocolate and a whole hour of a show, which doesn’t always. If you can get to bed early, that is your first battle solved. Second battle is I always put my clothes out the night before, have everything out and ready to go.
And the third battle is when I do wake up and say, I really don’t feel like exercising. I tell myself in that moment, you have to make this work out up, so when else are you gonna do it? And usually I sit there and think about the rest of my week. I’m like, Oh, I’ll bugger it. I’ll just get up and get it over and done with.
So they would be my kind of, uh, battling the alarm clock tips. And then the other thing is if you skip some workouts, don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s fine. And I’m actually gonna use meditation as an example here because I am way more likely to get up and exercise than I am to meditate, and I’m trying really hard.
This is about my fifth attempt at regular meditation at the moment. I totally get it. I have promised myself that I would meditate and then I’ve missed it and I feel that motivation disappear. I’m like, Oh, well I missed yesterday. What’s the point in doing it today? But I’m just giving myself the pat on the back every time I do spend that 15 or 20 minutes meditating and I’m trying to do it three times a week.
And you know, last week I only did it twice, but I’m just gonna start back again this week. So just, you know, don’t take it too seriously. That would be my tip. Find something you love or at least you enjoy. I found leaving the gym now and getting out in nature, I really enjoy those workouts and not just the gym sessions.
All right. Next question. Tan H help. How do you manage mummy rage? Oh my goodness. You are so asking the wrong person. Please tell me you get it. Um, yes. On a very regular basis lately, I have no patience and find myself yelling at my kids only to hate myself for it afterwards. Amen. Any strategies or tools you have come across to.
Tan. This is one of the things I really struggle with and I don’t know if it’s cuz I’ve got four children, if it’s cuz I’m getting older and my patience has literally disintegrated over the last nine years. But I have two dedicated episodes that were, I think two of my most powerful episodes that I personally got a lot out of.
One is called Help. I Don’t Like My Kids by Jennifer Ka. And the other one is Managing Mummy Rage by Amanda Donnet. So I do recommend that you scroll through my episodes and listen to both of those, but I’ll give you a couple of pointers that I’ve learnt along the way as well. But they are both exactly on this topic.
Definitely the biggest advice is prevention is better than cure. So in other words, if you can prevent those outbursts, that’s the holy grail and it’s a really hard thing to do. I’ll get to what happens when you’re in the red zone in a moment, but as far as preventing them, what. I have founders really helped is actually projecting forward and going, What are the hotspot times and situations?
And for me it’s evenings and it’s getting out of the house. They are the two biggest red zone mummy rage times for me. And so I actually try to preplan. I’m doing it at the moment cuz we literally, I think we had the last five nights in a row where I cracked it. I feel really sorry for my, I feel terrible.
Like it’s not a happy place to be when you’ve got a parent cracking it, losing it. So identifying those times and then knowing that usually it occurs when your expectations are higher than the reality of. Where the kids are at. So a perfect example. My kids are the messiest eaters and I’m a nutritionist, and I feel like I’ve spent my whole life focusing on them eating good quality food that I forgot the part about actually being able to get them to hold a knife and fork and put it in their mouth.
I was just so excited they were eating the avocado. I didn’t care that they were, you know, smooshing it in their fingers. So my last crack at moment was because my nine year old literally still can’t use a knife and fork properly, and there was mess everywhere. He was using his fingers to eat a. At least it was a salad.
Right, Exactly. But salmon, I don’t even wanna go there with fish and then touching couches and Oh my gosh.
So my expectations were much higher than where my kids’ level was at. So that’s one thing. Where are your expectations just out of sync with your kids. And the other thing is when you feel out of control. So that’s usually for us leaving the house. You’re out of control because you’re running late. Kids aren’t doing what they’re supposed to be.
But then when you get in those red zones, what can you do about it? Because we all get told when our kids are having a tantrum, there’s not a lot you can do about it when they’re in the red zone. Well, the same goes for us. So now I’m a little bit more self-aware that. When I can feel myself bubbling up and that rage just bubbling up, I do two things.
Firstly, I walk away and I leave the situation and I go into the other room and usually there’s, you know, my husband kind of gets the message or is like, I’ve got this when that’s possible, or I just literally get up and walk away. My kids can sense the tension so they don’t follow me, and I find walking and doing some deep breathing and just getting kind of back into that logical part of my brain instead of the lizard.
Talking to someone about it, whether it’s a quick SOS phone call or calling a friend, calling a family member, pulling your husband in, or even just talking to yourself. Say, I’m feeling really mad right now. Kind of sitting there talking like a crazy person. And the other thing you can do, which is a Jennifer Kaari tip, which actually really helps for me.
Instead of spraying that rage at your child, you’re nine years old, you should be able to hold a knife. A fuck what? By now? What is wrong with you, which obviously is so damaging and just so awful through those gritted teeth and with that feeling of rage, you just say, Hi. I’m feeling really mad right now, and at least.
What you’re able to do is you’re not saying those words that can’t be unsaid again. And sometimes when I just do feel like I just have to get it out, that I find that really, really helpful. Just, Mommy is so mad right now. I could just smash a plate or something like that. I find that just helps me. At least I haven’t said something I’ve.
So there’s just a couple of tips I hope Tan, and don’t worry, we all go through it. And the other thing is always apologizing later on when things have calmed down. I always apologize and I always say Mommy’s behavior wasn’t appropriate and I’m sorry. And Mommy loves you very much. Okay. Last question, Francis.
A I want to lose some weight, but I’m not sure if I should be focusing on the calories I’m eating or the nutrients in my food. Ooh, interesting question. It’s so confusing, which way to go. Love to know your thoughts, Amelia. Okay, well, of course I’m gonna say the answer is a little bit of both. If you just focus on calories, Well, if you are wanting to eat 1500 calories a day, because that’s what you can punch into a calculator, what your calorie goal is, and it might come out at 1200, it might come out at 1500, It might come out at 1800 calories a day.
Usually for a woman losing weight that sits somewhere between that 1200 to 1500 calories per. If we just focused on calories, you could just grab a chocolate cake and just eat 1500 calories of chocolate cake a day and you’d lose weight, right? Well, yes, but obviously you’re gonna get very sick in a very quick period of time.
But I will tell you this, every diet out there, every eating regime, every protocol when it comes to weight loss has one thing in common, and that is that they do put your body into a calorie deficit, meaning that. Eating less calories than you’re actually burning off, and that’s how you lose weight. So it doesn’t matter how you get there.
Well it does, I guess from my cake example earlier, but it doesn’t matter what diet you follow, whether it’s keto or intermittent fasting or portion control, or Mediterranean diet, there are lots of different ways to slice and dice it for successful weight. You need to be in that calorie deficit. So that’s where the argument for calorie counting comes in.
But calorie counting is no fun. Let’s face it. Who wants to sit there, weigh their meals out, count the calories? So I’m not advocating for calorie counting, although if that’s your Sure. Fire away, then go for it. One thing I do recommend, especially if you’ve struggled with your weight for a while, is just do it for two weeks.
Just literally. And there’s so many great apps. So much easier to do it now than when I first started in the weight management industry. There’s so many great apps out there. My Fitness Pal, Calorie King Noom, so many that make it easier to count your calories. Do it just for two weeks, cuz you’ll learn.
You’ll learn. Oh wow. Tablespoon of olive oil is a hundred calories. That’s quite significant if a main meal is somewhere between 300 to 500 calories. So it is an interesting educational exercise to do for two weeks, and it does help you understand when you look at your meal, you go, Okay, well this is actually probably a 700 calorie meal that I’m eating out.
When it comes to nutrients, same thing. There’s no fun counting your macros or your micros macronutrients being, you know, fat carbohydrates, fiber, protein, micros being your vitamins and your minerals. So of course, focusing on nutrient dense foods. Vegetables, Green leafs, et cetera, is super important. But just know that you can have an extremely healthy diet, but still gain weight to my olive oil example earlier, if you are eating the most beautiful nutrient rich salad, but you are sloshing it in olive oil, you will gain weight if you end up out of that calorie deficit.
So if weight loss is your goal, it’s a little bit of both. You gotta understand the calories that you’re putting into your. But you also wanna aim for that nutrient rich and high fiber food because high fiber food, i e vegetables, some grains are really, really helpful in making you feel fuller for longer in keeping your blood glucose levels nice and even, which helps to prevent cravings.
So if you want a quick fix counting calories for two weeks, or if you want just a simple way of doing that, going on, any of those. Meal delivery service programs for a couple of weeks that are calorie and portion controlled is a really quick way to understand your calories because they come in a box.
They’re not always tasty. It’s not always amazing food, but doing it for two to four weeks will help you reset what that 12 or 1500 calories per day looks like and help you get in that calorie. But then the other thing I wanna say is I love this approach of the MEDS principle, taking your meds when it comes to weight management, because taking your meds, and I’m not referring to medication, although if you’re on that, please continue.
I’m talking about the acronym meds, mindfulness, exercise, diet, and sleep. For successful long-term weight management mindfulness, we’ve gotta make sure that we’re managing our stress levels, that we’re managing our self-esteem, our body. Exercise that we’re exercising regularly, medium to high intensity, at least two to three times a week, plus some moderate level activity diet that we are following an eating regime, whether it’s a diet or just your eating regime that brings you into that calorie deficit.
And finally, sleep. Super important. If you are chronically sleep deprived, it’s very, very, very hard to lose weight. So Francis, they would be my tips. Hope that. Thank you for listening to this episode of Healthy Her. If you have a burning question or a topic you’d like me to explore, DM me on Instagram, underscore Amelia underscore Phillips, or drop me an email@apamelias.com dot.
A you.
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